Every Hurt ch1

Sirens. They hurt. Everything hurts. Is it getting worse? No; they promised. They promised I was better.
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…they lied.
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Do you think it’ll work?

Only time will tell.

If this is the only way…

You’re doing the right thing.

Will we ever…?

Shouldn’t we see what he wants?
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“Wake up, baby.” Aren’t I already awake? Yes. No. No, I’m not. I can’t see you…why can’t I make myself move? Respond to you in some way? Wait…who are you?

“Please don’t give up. Please.”
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I’m screaming. Won’t someone please tell me why? I can’t feel anything, yet I can hear my screams. Wait, why am I so calm? Aren’t I in pain? Aren’t I screaming, my back arched off the bed that I’ve come to know? No; this is wrong. I don’t see the bed. I feel it. But, that’s wrong too. I don’t feel. I’m not awake…

…am I?
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I feel it. This never ending pain traveling from my toes to my skull. It reached through the skin, the muscle, the bones, the marrow. I’m boiling underneath my skin. My eye hurts the most. Which? I’m not so sure. It’s just… awful. So, why? Why am I not screaming? Why can’t I scream?
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Will he be okay?

It’s better.

That’s what you say, but…
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There are touches. I can feel. I can feel the touches. They’re everywhere, yet I can’t tell what they are. Some are strange, almost wrong. Some are soft. They’re all so cold. I want more. The burning won’t go away. This feverish feeling. I’ve felt it before. But, it was supposed to leave too…was I wrong? Yes; I must’ve been…
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I’m in pain again. I’m not screaming. I’m whimpering. I can hear it. I can feel it. I can’t do anything about it.
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“Everything will be okay.” Will it? Are you lying like you did last time? Please don’t lie to me. It only builds up false hopes in me when you lie. Wait. Stop. Halt. Who are you?
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Beeping. I hear beeping. It rhythmic. The rhythm of me. It’s my heart. It must be my heartbeat. I’ve heard it before. Last time. I heard it last time, but when? When was last time?
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Talk! God damnit! Talk! Why won’t my mouth work? I want water. I want touches. I can’t tell them. I don’t know them. I hurt. I hurt everywhere. My throat is so dry. My muscles are in so much pain. I want to see. I can’t see. My eyes won’t open. My eye hurts. Which? I still don’t know.
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“It’s okay, baby. You’ll wake up when you’re ready.” I am ready! I am awake! Can’t you tell! No; you can’t…can you?
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Are you sure he’ll…?

Nothing is one hundred percent.

Oh…

Don’t worry.

So, he’ll…?

Most likely.
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I’m awake. No one’s here, but I can tell. I can see. The bed is white. The sheets are white. My gown is blue. My skin is…covered. I can’t see any farther on, just this one little area. I can still hear the beeping, even if I can’t see it. That means that my heart’s still beating. So, now all I can do is wait.
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“Oh my god, baby!” My face tries so hard to smile, but it can’t do it; the muscles are too weak. I feel my eyes begin to droop, but quickly pull them back up. No; I must not fall asleep. This woman’s been here for so long. She deserves something from me, even if I can’t quite grasp who she is. It’ll come back. “How’re you feeling? Are you okay? When did you wake up?” I can’t answer her questions; my mouth won’t work. She smiles lightly, thin lips turning upwards. “I though…I thought you might not wake up…” She crushes me in a hug. I can’t hug back. Tears drip down my back through the gown. This woman…

This woman’s my mother…
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No! No! No! You can’t do this! It hurts so bad! They’re fine! Don’t you understand that you’re hurting me? Mommy! Mommy! Make them stop!

“Don’t worry. It’ll be over soon.” Mom? Mom! You’re letting them do this? Why? Why? Why?! They’re hurting me! Don’t you understand? Don’t you care?

…mommy?
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“Help…” It’s weak, it’s rough, and it hurts. It’s my voice. I can talk now, but no one can hear me. I’m by myself…again.
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“Please stop looking at me like that. I’m just doing my job.” Your job? Your job?! I don’t want to be a part of your job! No! Keep your hands away from me! Stop touching me! Stop looking at me! Just…stop.
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“Open wide.” I keep my mouth clamped shut. I don’t want anymore. My stomach hurts. “Don’t make this difficult.” I turn away, my neck muscles screaming in protest.

“I-I don’t want anymore.” The nurse sighs, rubbing my cheek and turning to leave. She listened…how come no one else will?
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“Hello.” The man smiles, showing off his perfect teeth. I should know him, but I don’t. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. I had to leave, but you’re used to that, aren’t you?” I don’t answer. I think I know this man. He left because of work. I know that much.

“Baby?” I crack a tiny, near invisible smile. The man smiles back.

“Hey, daddy.”
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The beeping stopped. All the people are crowding around. They’re touching me. It hurts. Their lips are moving, but I don’t know what they’re saying. I scream a silent scream.

…the beeping starts again.
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He’s stable.

What…?

It was just an allergic reaction. Don’t worry.
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“How’re you feeling?”

“T-tired…” A man smiles. He’s not daddy, but someone else. Someone I don’t know; have never once known.

“The fatigue will slowly begin to fade.” He tucks some of my loose hairs behind my ear. I shiver. Please, don’t touch me. “Have your parents told you of our plans for you after you’re discharged?” I shake my head. I haven’t thought of being discharged. I’m not better yet. I’ll never be better.

“T-they havvvven’t-t.” I slur, my eyes slowly beginning to close.

“Are you awake?”…no, I’m not.
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“Honey, will you listen to me and daddy for a moment?” I nod, trying in vain to chew on a starburst, the only piece of candy I’ve had in a long, long time.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, sport, but you can’t come home.” I stop chewing. I can’t go home…I can’t go home? Why? Why not? Did I do something wrong? My heart rate increased drastically, the monitor going out of control.

“No, no, baby! That’s not what we mean! John, I told you to do this gently!” Mommy wraps her arms around me, patting my head lightly. I slow down. “Listen, baby. There’s a place. A place just for people just like you. You’ll be a live-in patient. You’ll have your own room. You’ll have doctors around to take care of you. They’ll keep you safe. They’ll make you better, baby. They’ll make you better.” I begin to cry, my eye throbbing. I don’t want to leave them. Mommy and daddy. I love them.

“Don’t worry, sport. The Today Clinic is really a great place. You’ll be fine. Don’t cry, sport. Don’t cry.”